Mom insists that her 24-year-old daughter give her access to her savings account, claiming it's for family emergencies, daughter refuses to comply: 'I’ve worked hard for this money’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Dec 25, 2024 4:00 PM EST

Parents spend 18 years, and often more than that, financially supporting their kids and making sure that they have everything they need every single day – A roof over their heads, education, clothes, food, and supplies, parents are required to supply all these and much more to their kids, and they usually do it without so much as a 'thanks' in return.

Does that give parents the right to start demanding their kids things in return the moment they become independent? Well, that is debatable. Some would say that kids should feel obligated to help their parents when they need it, as a way to repay them for all their hard work. Others would say that the kids should not be held accountable for their basic needs growing up and they shouldn't feel pressured to repay their parents for doing what they signed up for when they decided to have kids.

No matter which side you are on, I doubt you will support the actions of the mother in the story down below, who demanded access to her daughter's savings account for no apparent reason. Keep scrolling to read the rest of the story. After that, check out this story of a coworker who had to take a sick leave when no one helped her with her workload.

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  • 01
    Savings Account Bank Account Details if applic Count er Name
    via girubalani
  • 02
    AITA for refusing to give my mother access to my savings account even though she says it's for "family emergencies"?
    via ComprehensiveWin82
  • 03
    I (24F) have been working since I was 18 and have been diligently saving money. Over the years, I've built up a decent emergency fund and started putting money aside for a house. My parents have always
    via ComprehensiveWin82
  • 04
    known I'm good with money, but recently my mom (48F) has been pressuring me to give her access to my savings account. She says it's because the family has had a lot of unexpected expenses
    via ComprehensiveWin82
  • 05
    lately, like car repairs and medical bills for my younger brother (15M). While I understand money is tight, I've always helped when I could. I've paid for groceries, contributed to household bills, and even helped cover my brother's school supplies.
    via ComprehensiveWin82
  • 06
    But my mom insists it's not enough. She wants direct access to my savings account "just in case something big happens." I told her I wasn't comfortable with that since I've worked hard for this money
    via ComprehensiveWin82
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    and it's meant for my future. I also mentioned that I'd be happy to help if a real emergency comes up, but I'd prefer to manage it on my terms.
    via ComprehensiveWin82

  • No one should feel pressured to give personal information to someone else, even if it is family! I would never feel comfortable if I had known that someone else has access to my bank details, and has the power to turn my life around with a few clicks. I love my parents, but that is a firm no, and it should be a firm no for anyone.

  • 08
    She got really upset, saying I don't trust her and that I'm being selfish. My dad has stayed out of it, but my older sister (26F) thinks I'm overreacting and should just let mom have access. She even said,
    via ComprehensiveWin82
  • 09
    "What's the point of saving if you're not going to help your family?" Now, I'm feeling torn. On one hand, I want to help my family, but on the other, I don't think it's fair for me to
    via ComprehensiveWin82
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    hand over control of my hard- earned money. AITA for refusing to give my mother access to my savings account?
    via ComprehensiveWin82
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    792bookcellar • 15h ago I would highly recommend you do NOT share your account information, not even your balance. You are saving so you can move out. You should only be paying the
    via 792bookcellar
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    bills you are required to pay for living in the house. You should also get a credit check to make sure you don't have any other open accounts you are not aware of.
    via 792bookcellar
  • 13
    Short Bus8309 • 15h ago • NTA. Don't do it, they will drain that account, it is not normal to request access to someone's bank account.
    via Short_Bus8309
  • 14
    busyshrew 15h ago • NTA. As the mom of a young adult woman, I can firmly tell you, your mother's demand is wrong, and it is NOT usual nor normal. Your sister is throwing you under the rug because either she doesn't
    via busyshrew
  • 15
    have money and wants yours as well, or she would rather see your mom steal your money, rather than hers. Ignore them both. If your mom keeps pestering you, I would suggest to go no or low contact for a while.
    via busyshrew
  • 16
    And, most important, lock up your credit and identity information to prevent id theft from your mom. She's signaling pretty strong intent to get your money somehow.
    via busyshrew
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    helpful-treefrog • 15h ago • Edited 12h ago • Do not give your mother access to your account. Just don't. It's a terrible idea that often ends up going very badly. You aren't obligated to give your family anything, although it sounds like you have been
    via helpful-treefrog
  • 18
    pitching in even though you were underage until recently which is kind, but absolutely not something your parents should count on. If there's an emergency, your mother can let you know the problem and the cost, and then YOU can decide how much you're willing and able to pitch in. I can't stress enough how much she doesn't need unrestricted access to your account!
    via helpful-treefrog
  • 19
    catscatsonlycats • 15h ago It is YOUR money, not hers. Only you can say who gets access. She is being the horrible one, guilt tripping you into feelings bad
    via catscatsonlycats
  • 20
    Uropa_Hoppenstedt • 15h ago • In what kind of financial family emergency there's no time to ask you to help? NTA - keep your account info safe and double check everything they come up with
    via Uropa_Hoppenstedt
  • 21
    Motor-Protection 1910 3h ago you're not selfish at all. your mom is guilt-tripping you, and it's super manipulative. it's YOUR money that you worked hard for. helping out is one thing, but giving her full access? no way. stand your ground.
    via Motor-Protection1910
  • 22
    A-typ-self 15h ago • As a parent, no you are absolutely NOT an AH. You said that you would be willing to help with a big financial emergency. That's helping family on your terms.
    via A-typ-self
  • 23
    The only reason to give your mother access at this point would be for her to access that money without your knowledge. You are an adult, there is absolutely no reason to share your banking information OR give them access.
    via A-typ-self
  • 24
    . Cornmunkey 14h ago • Bank guy here: Anyone added to an account has fully legal access to all money. If you add your mom she can empty the account into an individual account only in her name and you will lose that money with zero recourse.
    via Cornmunkey

  • What do you think of this situation? Would you have agreed to this type of request, or do you also think this mother has crossed a line? Let me know in the comments below!

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bank family drama aita kids mother siblings work reddit story parenting family sister Reddit savings money women parents children
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